Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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