did you get engaged???
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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