Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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