Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
