is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize