Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
