Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
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You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
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I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize