Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
