am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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