I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
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He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
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So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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