my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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