Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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