The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
