So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
this just has baby written all over it
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
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Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
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Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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