The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
