Swine flu. Run for my life!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
