Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
