So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
