i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
