I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize