you mean i was at the winter classic?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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