I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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