my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
