How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
