totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
