Only a mothe r could love this liver
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I AM VODKA MAN
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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