1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Randomize
