I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
