After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
