Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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