Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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