i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
