One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
