I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
