and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
