I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
