Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize