Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
