The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
