five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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