I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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