Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i need some magic done to my vagina
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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