I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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