All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
