we have officially lost it.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
