how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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