i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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