So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
