new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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