Screwed.edu
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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