With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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