The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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