Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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