I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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