STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
