You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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