I'm going to jail i love you
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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