Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
