Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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