Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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