I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
