At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
