R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
