i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
