Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
oh god was she eating orange peels again
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
did i just pee glitter
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
