Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm always down for nudity.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize