May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
